The issue of getting married is an open debate to which everyone can contribute. In the beginning, things are generally rosy and cosy with few bumps. However, as time passes by problems begin to crop up.

How faithful are you when it comes to religion? We should always bear in mind that the doctrine of religion is very important, be you a Muslim or Christian. The two Holy Books have pointed out in several verses how we should choose and from where to choose when it comes to marriage.

Women are not the only ones who suffer when it comes to separation, divorce and other problems in marriage; men also do. But women are more affected and they cry foul the most because they are generally considered to be more emotional. For men, life continues. Their social orientation compels them to bear and take things as they come.

Okay, getting back to our subject; you want to get hitched; have you found time to ask yourself why you want to get married to your future partner? Consider some of the letters from readers on this column.

Is it that you want to marry in order to combat loneliness? Is it to avenge a wrong, to torment someone, to show off or to become a rich person? Do you simply want to get married because others are? Reflect seriously on this.

For everything under the sun, there is a purpose. Almighty Allah’s purpose for marriage is for companionship, love, caring, procreation, and honour. Read the two available Holy Books (Qu’ran and Bible). Better still consult Imams in the mosques and priests in the churches for more advice. They are the ones left behind by the prophets to take us round and show us the way.

There is nothing wrong with deliberating on an issue to find a solution. Note that, if your motive is wrong, nothing good can come out of it. Even the holy books support this.

In searching for a life-partner, let Almighty Allah’s purpose come first.
At this stage if I may say so, you will have to go back to Allah because He is the best matchmaker and can get you your partner, anywhere, anyhow.

When it comes to love, I do not and you should not erase prayers when a search is on. As a woman, if a man approaches you and you think you love him, you should always pray thus: "Almighty Allah, I wish (pray) that this man should propose and love me more, I want to marry him."

And if you are a man: "Oh God, I pray I should get this lady" or "Bi’llahi, if I can get this lady, I will be a very happy man!"

Is it loneliness that compels you to search for a soul mate? You’re entitled to one. I ask again, are you on a revenge mission? If yes, you are not a good candidate for marriage. This is because your heart will not soften; when the right man/woman comes, you will be consumed with such venom that your inner eyes and ears, which are needed for such a search, are closed.

Everyone should know that love is big and it is one of the greatest gifts from God, not money. Money is ephemeral, but love is eternal. And this can be if you put your trust in the Almighty Allah. Go for love, shun thirst for riches and see what happens when you pick the right choice. For everyone who seeks a mate sincerely, you will surely get that by knowing the purpose of wanting to marry that man or woman, because Allah has created each and everyone of us with a right partner. The main cause of our shouting foul is because human beings are not content with whatever comes their way.

Everyone is yearning for marriage but most cannot stay in marriage. Many of the marriages are not up to five years old before breaking up. There are some marriages now that fold up without witnessing a year’s anniversary. Relationships or marriages require a lot of patience, that’s one of the reasons why we need courtship, because it will allow you to study each other and know who you’re, and how couples will tackle thing when there is any misunderstanding.

People may be wondering if it is the men or the women that often divorce, but, in fact, it is both of them. In a relationship, one expects that one of the partners ought to be calm, even if the other is aggressive. But that does not justify cheating by anyone. Above all whatever one desires when it comes to marriage, it should be for a purpose – exercise of patience, and tolerance. Know that most stolen affairs always end unhappily. Don’t let that married woman/man deceive you.

Finally, know that adultery can destroy your marriage; not everyone is patient enough to accept and overlook intruders into their affairs. Do not marry for revenge, stay away from the man or woman who is not meant for you, who is there just to take you away from your partner.

This is the Holy Month of Ramadan, during which many rush to marry, only to find out, a few months later, that it is difficult to stay and love each other as in the beginning. Let not the emotional string loosen because love is full of temptations. Put your trust in God. He is always there for you. With God, all things are possible! In this Holy Month, make a resolution and tell your God about your missing link or the potholes in your marriage, love life, and other things that are affecting you emotionally. When we talk about marriage, everyone has their shortcomings. No one is perfect but we can become perfect if we are guided by God.

NB:
For the period of the Holy Month, text and email messages will not be featured. You can however send your text and make calls as usual, although they will be answered off the column. I wish you all a blessed Ramadan.