Ahappy marriage is built upon a sound foundation

Following our last discussion: ‘In search of a life partner’ - I would like to proceed with ‘Love and marriage’ as ordained by the Almighty Allah.
 
Today, Lovelines goes one step further, sounding the views of some Islamic scholars on this very important subject. The scholars were almost unanimous in their effort to link the word ‘love’ to the phrase ‘I want to marry’. If you do not have meanings of the two words, you would continue perambulating till God’s kingdom come, some one posited.

Allah says: “And we have made for them spouses and progeny.” The Holy Prophet, Muhammad (SAW), said: “I swear by Allah. I am the most God fearing and devout person among you; nevertheless I fast as well as break my fast, I pray as well as rest, and I marry women. Whoever desires something other than my Sunnah is not from me.”

Getting married is a response to Allah’s call, where He says: “Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will enrich them from His bounty: for Allah encompasses all, and He knows all things.”  

It also could be a response to the Prophet’s call, when he says: “O assembly of young men, whoever among you has the wherewithal to marry should do so, because it helps to lower the gaze and safeguards the chastity of the private parts. Whoever is not able to marry must fast, because fasting diminishes sexual power.”
This is why `Umar said: “Whoever calls you to eschew marriage is calling you to something other than Islam.”

The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) elevated marital life and intimacy between a husband and wife to the level of worship, saying: “When one of you has relations with his wife, it is an act of charity. None of you spends anything without Allah rewarding you for it, even a morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth.”

Ahappy marriage is built upon sound foundations, and it has the potential to strengthen a nation, renewing the vigour of its youth core, providing it with robust future generations. The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said again: “Marry fertile and loving women, for I would have our population increased in this way.” A happy marriage is also an opportunity for different families to come together and for people of different cities and lands to know one another.

Alove-happiness relation study was conducted by a psychologist, and it revealed that ‘women were more likely to be completely happy than men, and that they were also more likely to be utterly miserable than their men counterparts. If a woman enjoys the essentials of a happy life – a good home, an upright husband, children, and health – then she is likely to be happy and contented. Conversely, if she is denied these rights, she can easily succumb to depression and despair to a degree that men are unlikely to ever experience.’

Of course, success and failure in marriage is a very subjective issue. What one person sees as a successful marriage, another man might view as a total failure. Nevertheless, there are some factors which are generally agreed upon which can be used as a basis for discussion. For instance, a marriage wherein the wife has no respect for her husband and no concern for his reputation can hardly be seen as a successful marriage. Likewise, no one would dare attempt to describe as successful a marriage where the husband neglects his household and abandons his wife and children in order to pursue his personal interests.

Amarriage might start off successfully, and then fail. Alternatively, a marriage might start off as a failure, but with the efforts of both spouses, ends up right. What is desired is for marriage to be a way for people to find security and happiness. The most successful of marriages is the marriage that provides worldly happiness while helping to facilitate our happiness in the Hereafter. According to one of our scholars of the week, there are three factors that are absolutely critical for success: communication, love, and sacrifice. From this starting point, the following steps can be taken to realize marital happiness:

Steps for marital happiness
Try to know the obstacles that people must confront in their married life, the factors that lead to failure, and how to overcome them.
Cultivate your reliance upon Allah and your awareness that He is close to us. Having such awareness is one of the causes of salvation.
Develop willpower.

How to develop your willpower?
The following questions might help reach the solution to this.
How promptly do I embark upon good and virtuous deeds?
How optimistic am I?
How patient and forbearing am I when faced with problems?
How well do I control my anger?
How to strengthen our willpower?
We must strengthen our faith in Allah. We must focus on cultivating our faith in His most noble attributes and in His divine determination of all affairs.

We must strive to purify our souls and we must engage in as much worship as we can.
Psychologists have confirmed that using a systematic approach of self-inspiration is the most effective way to strengthening our willpower. An Islamic program of restoring marital bliss would have to include the following:

•Transformation of pain into happiness and of adversity into opportunity by being content with Allah’s decree.
•Supplications and penitence. How many obstacles to marital bliss have been overcome with prayer?

•Looking at matters in a simple light. Experience has shown us that the more simple and straightforward view we take, the easier our problems are to solve. We should not go overboard in our depiction of our circumstances and our complaints. We should not seek to blacken the past. Our goals can only be reached by remaining levelheaded and patient.
•Establishing a proper time and place for frank and open discussion where each party is mentally prepared to listen to what the other has to say and to speak in a calm and decent manner. Many problems have been overcome in this way. Indeed all problems can be discussed and openness brings relief.
 
NOTE:
Dr. `Abd al-Rahmân Habannakah al-Maydânî, in his book ‘Islamic Morals and their Foundations,’ offers some guidelines by which we may assess the strength of our willpower.